Mike and Miles discuss how parents can communicate effectively with schools to best utilize all of the resources available to them. They talk about parent advocacy, positive two-way communication, things parents should expect from their schools.
Quick Links from the episode
You, Your Child, and School: Navigate Your Way to the Best Education
Episode Transcript
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The School is Out podcast with Mike and Miles.
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We’re all about asking questions and finding solutions for all things education.
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School is out. Now let’s get started.
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Hey Miles.
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Hey Mike. How’s it going?
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Doing great.
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Well, we’re back at it for another episode of our podcast and we have something different today.
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Different, unique. I’m glad that we came up with a parent resource.
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So we’re going to talk about how I guess this episode is just for parents.
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Yeah, we’ve talked about doing basically a guide for parents and how they can best support their children as they go through the educational system.
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Okay. I’d say I guess the first thing we should talk about then it’s first on my list.
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It came up on your list as well as how should parents or how could we guide parents to best communicate with their teacher or their school.
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So, I mean, if you’re a parent and you’re thinking, well, that’s not my job. That’s the school’s job to communicate with me.
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I’d say, well, you’re not wrong.
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But then how do we, you know, in communication, that’s a two-way street. So how do we encourage parents to foster that and grow that into a healthy communication system?
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And when you think about parents communicating with the school, I would describe it as a bit of a Goldilocks situation where, you know, looking at it from the school’s perspective, sometimes
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it seems as though there’s not enough parent involvement. Sometimes there is too much parent involvement. And if you can get it where it’s just right, then you’ve really got something.
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So I think that what we can talk through is how the parents approach that to get it just right.
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And, you know, and in this episode, I’m speaking from a school educational perspective, but also from a parent’s perspective, too. And I know that for parents, it’s difficult to know what is that correct level of support without trying to seem like a helicopter parent and being too dominating or without trying to seem like you’re checked out and just passed off the responsibility of education to the school.
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So, you know, I think just guiding people to what that really appropriate level is, is super important.
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I appreciate you saying it like that because I was thinking to myself like, well, there’s a big boy word in my head. There’s like a dichotomy of communication when it comes to schools and parents. I always think of, well, if something’s going bad, then you’re communicating.
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You’re as a parent, the school might see it as, oh, there’s there’s a lot of negative communication here. I don’t want to hear so much from this parent or the parent might be thinking, why am I always calling the school if something’s going wrong?
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And then on the other hand of things, when things are going really well, the school could easily say, well, geez, we’re not having any communication from parents and the parents are like, well, geez, there’s no communication. I guess all is okay.
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And we get caught into a cycle, like you said of, geez, do I know, do I know how much is enough or is, am I not communicating enough? I hate to only be communicated with if something is wrong.
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So I’m glad to explore this.
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Right. So, you know, in thinking about what parents can best do, we talked through this a little bit prior to the podcast, Mike, but one of my best recommendations to parents or families is to touch base with the school.
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And specifically the teacher or teachers very close to the start of the year during that first week of school to make positive contact with the teacher. And this advice is no different than I give to a lot of kids as they head off to college.
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You know, you think about kids going into a college classroom with a professor, and I encourage all of those people touch base with the professor during the first week of class in a positive way.
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Introduce yourself. Let them know that you care about the class and that you’re interested in what’s going on. Same way for a family. Send an email to a teacher or reach out with a phone call right at the beginning of the year.
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Hey, I’m Miles O’Shea. You know, my son is in your class. I’m super excited to have you as a teacher. I can’t wait for the year. Just something like that opens that positive line of communication.
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I think that’s a great idea. I think that when we consider the fact that as a parent, I guess I’m reaching out a little bit, but me as a parent, if I knew that communicating with the school from my direction to the school initially is probably a little bit easier, especially at the start of the year.
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Me reaching out to my teacher saying, Hey, I’m so and so is much easier than the teacher right away one on one reaching out to me with a phone call because the teacher has, you know, 20 or 30 kids to do that with.
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And, and I’m not saying that every parent is going to do this. I mean, realistically, they’re not. But if you’re that parent that wants to know what to do, this is an excellent way to do that.
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Reach out and say, Hi, I’m here for you. Let me know if there’s anything or you know you’re free to communicate with me in these ways.
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I always think the same thing from the principal standpoint.
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I send a lot of thank you cards throughout the school year. I send things out to families saying you know thank you for supporting the school and thank you for doing what you’re doing, but I can’t.
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I can’t realistically send 330 thank you cards.
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I like to think that I send a lot.
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But I send, I send what I can where I see it when I can.
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But on the other end of things you know when parents reach out to the school it’s very special it’s it’s always, you always remember that as a school personnel.
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Right. And in that in that first contact from the parent perspective, what I would recommend communicating also is how you can best be reached because like you just said, you know, teachers do have a lot on their plates and they have a lot of things to be responsible for.
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And there’s contact information that teachers have for families, but different methods work better for different families so if emails the best way you know what email address, can you be reached at or, you know, I’m best reached by phone after four o’clock or whatever that is because, you know, also schools get stuck in a trap, sometimes of saying, well we tried to reach out to the parent and we didn’t hear back.
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And a lot of people work or a lot of people have different schedules and there’s all different ways in the year 2024 that we can reach people. So with that initial communication on the parents and just this is the best way to reach me the best times to reach me and that’s super helpful for the school as well.
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I’m going to put it out there to just to add on to that. It is 2024 and let’s think that a lot of our parents are in their 20s. And if you’re a parent in your 20s and it’s 2024. Hey, let’s just let’s get beside ourselves check ourselves at the door and say that a lot of people don’t pick
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up the phone when it rings, and they probably won’t check that voicemail. They are texting parents and that’s okay. And if you’re the parent on the other side of this statement, be open and say that to your teacher say hey, I don’t often pick up the phone or I definitely
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do not check voicemail the best way to reach me is by text. Open that line of communication because if you have a teacher that says why don’t use my personal phone. Well guess what, you don’t have to we have things like Google text we have ways of texting with a computer
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or we have class dojo apps. We have ways to text you.
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Even if you don’t pick up the phone, it’s okay so we can get beyond that barrier of communication. And part of this discussion was something like I think it’s going to be about parents, advocating for their family and for their children.
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And what I would say is, it’s been my experience that schools can do a better job with the communication as well. So, you know, some teachers or some classes or some schools might have that class dojo setup or they might have the remind app setup, or there’s
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other things like the band app, or they may not. So if you are a parent and you reached out initially and you feel as though you know you’re not getting the level of communication that you would want.
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There’s nothing wrong with making some suggestions or asking some questions, you know, this class, do you use class dojo and what tools do you use and try to encourage that a little bit, not saying you must use this tool to communicate with me, but, you know,
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last year in so and so’s class. I know they used class dojo that was great for me. Do you have anything like that going on or could I help you set that up that that’s a fine conversation to have as well.
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Right.
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So that that communication line is is is essential to establish right away, knowing that it will alleviate some heartache if if you know down the road there, there’s, there’s going to be an issue with with getting in touch with the score the school getting
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in touch with you cross that right at the very beginning. I love that.
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I mean, as far as written communication goes or as far as let’s let’s go into communication with with academics.
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So I know that you and I have talked extensively on grade reporting, so we did our initial episode was all grades are fake but you know what they, whether they’re fake or they’re not fake they still exist and in most schools everywhere, they’re there and we have
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report cards. So when a report card comes home miles, you, you get them as a parent, you look at the numbers you look at the grades. Now what I mean you, I know you well enough that you have questions, you have questions about what’s on that.
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And let’s say that there hasn’t been a whole lot of communication from a weekly standpoint as to what those grades represent. Now what I mean what, where are you now how do you approach the school or the teacher on addressing that issue.
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Sure, and I think that in the way that I’m thinking about this. Most times parents listening to this, they’re going to want to reach out or have questions when the grades don’t look the way that they, they think they should look and I’ll tell you from a school’s
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perspective. That’s the, that’s the bulk of the communication that at least I’m privy to from the parent perspective when something doesn’t look like it’s going right. Then, then we have some questions but I would recommend to all parents, always having some questions
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as to what’s coming home. As far as that progress report that report card goes, you know, first when it comes home. Obviously take take a good solid look at it and get all the information that you can from that paper and then have a conversation with your child.
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But when you’re having conversations with 6789 10 year olds at home. Sometimes you’re not getting get all the details that you want. So, you know, there’s nothing wrong from the parent perspective also that’s a great time again to reach out to the teacher with
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with a great report card or a report card that looks fine. You know, I was wondering if I could have 10 minutes of your time over the phone or over a zoom meeting or whatever, just to kind of go over how my son’s doing in your class or how my daughter’s doing in your class.
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I would just like a little bit more than these grades and we talked a lot about that and Mike and the grades are fake podcast about how we can report so much more. But if that’s the tool that the school has the teacher also you know has a lot more information
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a lot hopefully of insight as to what’s going on. So it’s not always you know communication like we say is a two way street all the time. It’s not always on the teacher, I don’t think to always reach out to the family and say, hey, I’m going to follow up with the report card and go over everything.
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But if you as the parent wants some more information you’re definitely able to get that and just reach out and say, you know, Mrs. So-and-so, could I have 10 minutes of your time sometime this week just to kind of discuss how things are going in class and go over the grades or the marks that are on this report card.
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Right. I think any listener to this podcast is going to see an overarching theme. It pops up every episode about how about communication the need for really really good solid communication.
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But with that communication comes the bridging of cultural barriers even culture between school culture and home cultures across the board. So let me give you a quick example because you’re talking about that level of communication.
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And it hit me that there was just a similar situation this week at my school. So progress reports in the state of not even the state of Pennsylvania in our school district we have progress reports halfway through a grade period.
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And at the end of a great period we have a report card.
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And I had a parent come to me that this parent was was very legit she didn’t she didn’t want to raise my concern or anything like that but I approached her saying, hey things are going well with your kids I really appreciate it they did these things really great.
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She said to me, I just, I had this one concern about his grades but I don’t really want to, like, get you riled up about it but his progress report grade was a C for this subject. And in our family if you get a C, you have privileges taken away.
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And I said, Oh, okay, so now you start to see that we have a cultural issue within this family that a C grade is unacceptable or a C grade results in some kind of consequence. Well, this boy was getting a consequence for a progress grade that wasn’t even a report
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grade, and then wanted to speak with the teacher, then the teacher comes to me afterwards in the same week and says hey I want to reach out to this teacher I’m like, or this this parent, like, well yeah you probably ought to, because she had a concern over this progress
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grade, and this boy’s getting punished at home or whatever. And that that grades just a progress grade and that that’ll probably change for the better I’m like well, there’s a huge barrier in communication right there because this boy is going through something
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at home, and you’re saying it’s not that big of a deal.
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Albeit that’s a separate issue probably for a whole nother podcast probably the first podcast we ever did. But at the same time, that parent should be empowered to say, hey, tell me about that progress grade because that progress report grade is going to negatively affect my
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child at home. I’m thinking he’s not doing everything he should be doing in school.
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That’s an essential question that should be asked right away, instead of going through four and a half weeks of punishment to get that grade up. So, that whole communication line is very important.
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And that circumstance more important for the school than the parent, but the parent did reach out to me and I’m saying, set up a meeting right away with a teacher that’s that’s their job is to do that.
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And I heard a couple of interesting things in that story that you just hold Mike, which I think goes back to exactly what you’re talking about communication.
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We have to, we have to have communication we also have to have to have trusting relationships. So, when that parent came to you and you are looking in like at that situation and saying, you know, I think it’s important that you reach out to the teacher from
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a parent’s perspective. Sometimes that’s a difficult thing to do and like I said at the very beginning, parents often don’t want to seem as though they are being pushy or helicopter parents, but I think all families should know all parents should know.
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It’s your right, it’s probably your obligation to continue to just communicate positively all those conversations, should they should never be negative, you know I see this see on the progress report.
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You know what’s going on and if that conversation were had prior to the discipline at home or whatever and the teacher could explain. Well this is what this is, you know, there’s something sometimes it’s the teacher didn’t put something in the grade books as simple
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as that, but that level of communication between the teacher and the family, I just think it’s essential, but the parents should never feel as though they are stepping out of line by just asking, hey what’s going on here.
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And what you said in there too is worth a little bit of digging to and I’m so glad we did this episode now because it’s becoming quite rich. You said should you said parents should never feel should always keep that line of communication positive I stress that I
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want to hone in on the word positive because think about this for a second if you’re a parent listening to this and maybe you’re getting into parenthood or whatnot.
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And you’re thinking I’m a mama bear I’m a papa bear and I’ll do anything for what’s right for my kid and I’m saying, okay, I support you in that. But I also want to say there’s a fine line between being an advocate, and then being an alien or alienating
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yourself. So if you come into conversation saying my kid got a C and that’s unacceptable and what’s going on in that classroom, and blah blah blah and you start start pushing and bashing.
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Think about some of the consequences that could be fake that come back your way. I hate to say this but we are human beings. So if, if a teacher and I’m not saying it’s me, I’m saying I’ve seen it before.
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If I come at a teacher that way, or a school that way. What if the response is, okay, I’ll give your kid a B from now on.
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You just set up to be rewarded but that reward is now fake, because I’m not, I don’t care about representing the learning, I only care about appeasing you to keep you more positively engaged.
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That’s a touchy subject but at the same time it’s worth putting out there. But that I mean that relationship Mike is essential, the trust between the school and the family and sometimes it’s not there, right, because it could be something that happened
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to one of those two parties, 10 or 20 or 30 years ago sometimes that relationship needs to continue to be established but from the parent perspective, if you just always remove that adversarial component and approach it as if I am in a partnership
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with this school to do what’s best for my child or children. I think it’s going to be so much better for what you’re trying to accomplish and ultimately like you’re saying, you’re trying to get the best education possible for your child, you don’t want that
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conversation to lead to a teacher checking out, or, you know, even subconsciously doing things that aren’t going to be what you want to have happen in a classroom and I think that’s why parents are reluctant sometimes to have that communication, because it could be
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perceived as being the wrong thing but just always approach it positively. I’m reaching out to you, because I have a question about this or I’m reaching out to you because I want what’s best for my son I fully support what you’re doing.
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And hopefully, you know the parents do fully support what they’re doing because like we said, we’re in a partnership, the school and the family, it’s a it’s a very important partnership.
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And I said thank you. I’m kind of, I’m kind of considering you the, the full out expert in this conversation because you’re serving both roles you are the parents in the situation and also the administrator and teacher that has gone through this
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it’s very unique. And it is, you know, it is eye opening as you go through.
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As you go through the educational experience as a parent, after having been in the system of education so long as a professional or someone who’s just looking at it.
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Mike I brought a poem to the podcast I was wondering if you might you might humor me and allow me to read this because I think it is going to touch on a lot of the things that we’ve already talked about, and that we can kind of build on.
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So, if you just give me a moment, I’m going to read this, and I have not shared this with you yet, but just have you kind of listen and then we’ll react and talk to it. Is that all right.
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I am all ears. All right, so this this poem was written by a parent, a few years back to to a teacher so here we go. Dear teacher. I know you’re rather busy first day back, there’s just no time, a whole new class of little ones, and this one
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is a poem that I wrote for his mind. I’m sure you have things covered and have done this lots before, but my boy is very little. He hasn’t long term for in his uniform this morning he looked so tall and steady, but now beside your great big school, I’m not quite sure he’s ready.
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Is he going to eat their lunch. Are you quick to soothe their fears, and if he falls and hurts his knee will someone dry his tears. And what if no one plays with him. What if someone’s mean, what if two kids have a fight, and he’s caught in between.
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I have to leave now it’s time for him to go. I’m sure he’ll learn so much from you, things that I don’t know. Yes, I’m sure they settle quickly that he’s fine now without me. I know he has to go to school is just so fast you see, it seems like just a blink ago, I first
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held him in my arms. It’s been my job to love to teach to keep him safe from harm. So when I wave goodbye, and he turns to walk inside. Forgive me if I crumple into tears of loss and pride.
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I know as I give him one more kiss and watch him walk away that he’ll never again be wholly mine, as he was before today.
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Okay, so that’s, that’s the poem from the parent I came across this a little while ago. And in just thinking about this podcast about parents I thought, I thought that this might be a nice piece here.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, so I guess my initial reaction to that is, I’ve. It really stirs up a lot because it makes it makes me think as a school person. What’s really my job and and one of the things that I say to a lot of parents especially kindergarten
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parents when they’re dropping their kids off for the first time.
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They’re not just words of comfort their words that I live by and I try and try and get our staff to live by to you as a parent, or your child’s first and best teacher.
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So, I mean, think about that for a second, you are your children’s first and best teacher.
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It is my job to continue and build upon that.
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So, yes, I have stuff over here to teach but I need to continue and build upon what you have already started. And then I guess the teacher in me says how do you do that with 25 individuals in your classroom.
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And I say that’s our job and that’s what makes it interesting difficult rewarding, fascinating, all of those things so that’s my initial reaction is, I love that poem because it, it, it has meaning it has feeling it has
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meaning it has feeling in it but yeah, it’s our job to continue what you started.
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And here’s the last two lines of that poem Mike that he’ll never again be holy mine, as he was before today.
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That that’s the key to me and really kind of what got me about that poem.
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And parents out there you give your children to the school, and by law, you do that if you think about it that way the law says that you’re giving your children to the school that the chill, the school is now entrusted with
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educating your child and being a huge part of the next 13 years of their life.
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From the school’s perspective that’s a tremendous responsibility you just talked about that.
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From a parent’s perspective there is fear that comes with that, you know, I’ve controlled every single thing that happens to my child, up until the point where they start school, I’ve been in control of everything, and then all of the sudden from
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eight to three, every day 180 days a year for 13 years, someone else is in charge. And that can be very scary so you know, looking at it, you’ve got it as a parent you have to approach it that I’m going to be invested in this, it’s not that I drop
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them off at eight I pick them up at three and stuff happens and then it’s no you’ve got to be ingrained in that in that process to be very aware of what’s happening.
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And it can be as a parent it can be scary and frustrating at times. If you don’t know, you know, a high level of what’s happening and that’s why speaking from the school perspective, I’ve realized that it’s so very important to continue to communicate as much
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as possible it could be, you know, when a piece of paper comes home as a parent with a drawing on it as a elementary school kid you cherish that because that’s a window into what they’re doing.
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Anything that the school can share from the smallest things to the best accomplishments is so helpful for parents to receive.
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That’s, I don’t even know what to say it’s humbling when you think of it that way.
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But for all the listeners out there miles you have, you have children that attend the school where I work and, and I do not have children. So, when I think of it in those terms it really, it brings it into perspective and, and it, it does it’s
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it’s a responsibility it’s a great responsibility I take pride in doing it.
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But it does that what you just said should sit
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comfortably heavy on the hearts of school administrators teachers school systems, because that that is what we are doing, and you are entrusting us to do it.
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But you know, Mike we talked about this in the in the last podcast where you talked about your role as an administrator and I’ve heard you say this in other ways, the best schools the best administrators the best teachers.
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They look at themselves as as parents to those children in their schools and you know the and local parent, I mean that’s what the law says that you’re in the position to do that and what a tremendous responsibility, but the very best educators approach
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their job that way every single day, you know, these 300 kids in my school or these 1000 kids in my school or these 20 kids in my class. These are my children, they’re my responsibility, and I’m going to treat them that way every day.
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Right. And that’s why in my role and even in the teachers role, we fight for our kids when needed to get them everything they need.
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And it’s not just on what they need not necessarily what they want. I think that’s a that’s an interesting thing that we should explore a little bit too but anything children need, we fight to provide and that’s not just education that’s that’s literally
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anything.
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Any type of resources I mean at our school, we provide, we provide clothing if needed. I mean, on demand, not even a week from now we provide food on demand we provide food and clothing for a weekend for siblings for parents.
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So, that is the role of a school and it is to provide the needs of all of our kids because we do now have a very large extended family, and that’s that that should be how it seemed that should be how you feel it as a parent.
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And I guess to the parents who might be listening to this. That should be how you feel that you are a member of this, this family within the school, and that if need be it can provide for you more than just an education.
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So, Mike, maybe we could then shift into talking about what this relationship, and we talked about how important it is and how important the communication is what parents or families can do or should do.
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When something starts to go wrong. Well, you know, we’ve talked about it from a positive perspective reaching out at the beginning and opening those lines of communication, but it could be any number of things but you know, if there is a problem in a classroom, or your
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child is experiencing a problem at school. What’s the best way for parents for families to approach that with the school so that the relationship stays positive, but so that their children get what they need to be successful.
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I would say start with some questions, but understand the function of the question and I have a question in mind that will help parents with that but questions will will get the school or the teacher to help you understand and that would be my essential
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question would be, could you please help me understand this.
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Most parents, when talking about school related issues may be or are on the outside of teacher lingo or school lingo.
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So that question right there. Could you help me understand this.
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Right now we’ve set the stage for. I don’t get what’s going on. I do have specific questions and I don’t want you to take my questions as a tax, because that should not be the function.
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If I’m upset or if I’m angry. That’s fine, but we don’t want to start that conversation that way, let’s just get informed first.
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Right, and.
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Looking at it from what the what the school would expect the parents to do. I would say the school would expect the parent to continue communicating with the teacher first right if there is something going on with individual class from a building
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level perspective the teacher has the most intimate knowledge of that situation. So, giving advice to parents it’s perfectly acceptable acceptable to continue just to have those conversations with the teacher.
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You know this is going on. I have a couple of questions about that could we have a conversation about that.
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Parents need to know that that’s completely acceptable to do that’s part of, in my mind, the, and this could be different in other schools, but I don’t think it would be, you know that’s part of the teachers role to continue answering questions for the family
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that’s who that’s who the teacher is serving. So the first stop would be the teacher.
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That doesn’t always solve the problem as we know, you know, that conversation might lead to more questions for the parent.
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And then the next step.
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And you can weigh in on this to Mike but I think the next step of a parent doesn’t get the right results, or the situation hasn’t changed after those conversations is to approach the building principle and and explain the situation to the building
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principle and ask, you know, to have a short meeting or to have some of those same questions asked with the building principle.
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I think that’s exactly what parents should do.
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And in asking for that meeting with the principal when when approaching the principal. Understand the principal doesn’t know the full angle of concern here.
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The principal is kind of in the middle, and it’s probably going to need to explore some things. A good principal is not immediately going to take the side of either the parent or the teacher.
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A good principal is going to get most of the facts lined up and try and bridge the gap of misunderstanding that’s happening. So, you know, I don’t want to say a bad principle but maybe like some things that you might see as red flags would be
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well, I’m going to just defend the school or the teacher because that’s the way that’s my role. I don’t see it that way. I think that you as a parent should expect that some resolve should come out of, you know involving the principal and.
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And when you do that, lead that discussion into, please help me understand what’s going on. I was still confused or I still didn’t understand when I reached out to the teacher or I didn’t get what I thought I was looking for.
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Now I’m, I’m, I’m invoking the the power or the, the knowledge of the building leader so I think that’s a great way to have approaching it.
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You know, and in school leadership Mike we talked about parents are hopefully listening to this but we talked about chain of command, you know, if, if something happens, this is the process that we go through to deal with the problem.
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There’s also in my mind, a communication chain, and when that when that chain is broken. That causes problems too so parents should know that like I said, the problem most often that you have questions about is stemming from an individual classroom.
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So the the teachers the first stop, then the building principal is the next stop, if you don’t get as a parent, the results that you are seeking or your child is still struggling with something.
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Then okay, after you’ve had those meetings to approach upper administration in a school district and say, I would like to talk with the assistant superintendent, or I would like to bring this concern to the superintendent but no as a parent that the,
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you know, if I’m a building principal and a parent calls me and says my child’s having trouble in a class my first question is always going to be, have you had conversations with the teacher, because that’s so much more helpful in trying to to mitigate,
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you know that situation, and to take care of things. So just from a parent’s perspective yes you have the right to talk to a superintendent of a school district, and the superintendent should be available, but those, those other steps should be taken before
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that because from a building perspective or a school district perspective, if those other steps are skipped. What it always tells me as a building leader, it feels like someone doesn’t trust me, you know, where it goes right to the superintendent
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and skips the teacher and skips the building principal, they must not trust me. And that that’s difficult, and usually doesn’t do anything to really help the situation.
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No, that that tends to alienate, you know, it versus advocate that definitely puts distance between the parent and the school and it’s not in not in a healthy way not not in a way that says, we’re here to help the child.
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So we definitely want to avoid that.
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Right.
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You know I think parents should know they do have the right to eventually don’t, if, if something hasn’t happened for your child like we said, you are your child’s advocate, you are the one that’s ultimately going to make sure they’re okay.
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And sometimes people stop or they feel frustrated this isn’t ever going to change. Well if there’s a genuine problem and you’ve noticed either a problem for your child or at the school level or an injustice.
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Keep talking to people until your questions are answered. That’s the level of involvement and commitment that school districts need from parents and families.
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You’re saying that that if parents still have an issue or if parents are still, you know that they have the right to push on if need be. Can you continue with that just a little bit.
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I’ll think about this for a second Mike. We hopefully are teaching our children to live in a in a democratic society where their voice matters and hopefully as parents we realize that too I know some parents get frustrated they feel as though this is
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not going to change the system or this isn’t going to change. The only way that a system would ever get better is through change, and some of that is brought on by parent involvement so as a parent.
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If you have any concerns to the teacher and the building principal and even the superintendent, and it doesn’t seem like things are changing. There are still processes that you can go through to bring about change.
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There are still meetings, and if our voices as parents or community members are muted.
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Then yes, things don’t change or if there is an injustice as a parent, it’s really your right and responsibility to address it and the right channels then are through the school board or attending a school board meeting or being part of a parent group.
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I think that’s an excellent thing that we haven’t talked about but if you are part of a parent group at a school, you are able to communicate with sometimes teachers and building leaders informally informally about issues and continue just to bring those up as concerns
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and you know, as being part of our parent group at the building where I work, I’ve learned things from parents that I would have never thought about that are concerns for parents that we have that either are overlooked or seem small but to parents are really
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able to just know as a parent, it’s really your responsibility, if there is an injustice or something that isn’t happening correctly to address that the proper channels are just like we talked about, but don’t stop if you know that you have something that’s
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really important for your child and other children, do not stop until that injustice is corrected. And that’s essential, you know that really in my mind is essential.
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And if you’ve noticed as a parent, there might be other parents are probably are who have noticed it also, but then there might be some parents who are on our are unable to address it.
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So you’re not just speaking for yourself and your child you’re speaking for everyone in your community.
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Well put at the there’s, there’s really nothing that schools or school systems do that should be hidden. I mean we we we run on public record. We, we are, we hope to be open to our communities and, you know, when you said parent organizations.
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I love going to PTO meetings at an elementary school, we get to discuss things as principal and parents in a semi formal way so now it’s not, you know, it feels like I kind of take my suit coat off when I’m at a PTO meeting, but at the same time
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we’re kind of conducting business and we’re talking about the needs of a school. Those are very rich rich meetings to to help our school forward.
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When you say the school board, all of the things that are addressed in a school board are public record, if you go to a school’s website or a school district’s website.
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Every single thing discussed at school boards with the exception of personnel and direct student encounters is public record. So, get yourself informed about those things as a parent be a part of that process.
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There’s a lot of things that schools do that don’t reach every family I don’t necessarily like that but there are planning committees that that are public that are that that welcome parent input.
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There’s comprehensive meeting comprehensive planning meetings that happen every few years that directly involve parents that lead the vision of the school and what the school district is going to do.
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Those are important things to know about even if you don’t want to participate in them. If you want to go to a meeting but can’t attend physically, either ask for transportation or ask if that meeting because it is 2024 is being conducted virtually and you can be
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a virtual participant.
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Those are important things to know as a parent so that you know, you know now that your voice is not muted, that you do have a say in the direction of how your children are being raised in a school setting.
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I guess that that school board is kind of the last step of the line as far as the the governance of a school district and then some, some things I’ve just been reading recently I read a book by Ken Robinson and you’re kind of guiding parents
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through the process and helping them get the best education for the children. You know he suggests, at the very least, knowing the people who are running for the school board, and sometimes that even seems difficult when you’re living in a community,
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sometimes you go to see or to vote, and there’s names on a ballot but becoming involved in that process. And the most, you know, extreme step is deciding to run for school board or be part of that school board, because definitely that is the group of people who
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hopefully speak for the community and help to guide what a school district does. And you want that school board to really represent the genuine needs of the community and I don’t want to go into everything about school boards but as a parent.
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If you want to be at the most influential place to be as involved in as possible. That would be, you know, being a part of that school board on some level.
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Right. So, also, let’s talk about, let’s talk about parent involvement a little bit, a little bit on the school level here what else. What are some other things that a school can do for you so like, what would be some things that you would want yourself
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Miles as a parent knowing what you know, what are some things that you would want from the school or want to know in a school setting.
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One thing that I would like to know and I think is really important, or the other.
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The other services and agencies and extracurricular activities attached to the school where my children attend, and how I can, how I can be hooked up with whatever those services or opportunities are, you know, how easy is it for me as a parent to know everything
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at my disposal.
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And then, how do I get my kids involved in whatever activities might be going on at the school how do I find out what they are and how do I get them involved.
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Good question so yeah, school should definitely be able to provide you an outlook of what those things are I know it at an elementary school level when you talk about extracurricular activities.
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I should be able to tell you right away that there is a group that comes into our school that runs basketball there’s a group that comes into our school that runs soccer.
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There’s a group that comes into our school that runs volleyball, but I should also be able to tell you that we have a band and chorus program that we do concerts to two concerts every year.
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So, I should be able to tell you those types of things and that should give you an idea of what we do at a school I should also be able to talk a little bit about what they do at the middle school and high school and what involvement, those programs have within
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our building. So, pretty much every, every extracurricular activity that is available at the high school is also going to have a feeder program in elementary school.
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So, you should be able to look at those things and start to look at what your, your children’s interests are. And then, that way you know what is available right away.
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I think also as a parent miles you would you would want to know what is my child going to learn this year.
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That should be something readily available. Like I can tell you right now, the end goal of this year of the end goal of first grade is to, and fill in the blank the end goal of this month is to the end goal of this semester is to.
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There’s nothing wrong with asking for that information.
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That information is going to help you now continue the work of the school at home if that’s your prerogative.
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I’m just laughing when you said that Mike because we’ve talked about everything else that is the most important thing.
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And what I’m thinking about it just from a parent’s perspective.
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That is the thing. And I’m not, I’m not talking about any school, that is the thing that sometimes you know the least about right is, what’s the goal of this year was the goal of this month was the goal of this week.
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That’s the most important thing. So, you know, when we’ve talked about this from a parent’s perspective.
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What should I expect that we’re all about in first grade, what should I expect. And, you know, in great schools that has communicated both ways, teachers and schools do a great job of communicating those things.
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But as a parent, if you don’t have all the information that you think that you want or need.
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Just ask, just continue to, you know, follow up and get as much information as you think that you need.
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My own experience has been really good in reaching out to teachers when I think that, you know, I would like a little bit more information or working with the teachers who my children have had already, you know, had conversations with teachers, hey, I think that my child is when I work with my child at home I think they’re struggling a little bit in this area.
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Do you have anything extra that you could send home that you’re not doing in class, but I could do with my child at home and a giant orange three ring binder came home of resources just for me that I could do with my child at home, and that was just from a five minute conversation, but parents can do that all the time, you know, and I guess my perspective is a little bit different because I might know a little bit more about
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the process, or what schools might have available but all parents should know that there are tons of resources tons of educational resources, tons of supplemental things that can be provided.
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If a parent or family wants or needs them.
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Absolutely. Let’s, let’s talk a little bit about extra resources let’s get into the realm of of parent advocacy for special education.
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So, when we talk about additional resources that is that that does teeter on the realm of special education but let’s let’s talk about that for a second you get you get enough concern from a teacher or you get enough concern from a school that says, we think your child needs
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to be specialized that may or may not be able to be provided in the regular classroom. And now you your heart sinks as a parent you’re thinking oh my gosh what’s going on here, or is, is there something wrong.
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Let’s go through that process a little bit both as far as school administrators but also as a parent because it is the parent episode.
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Well here’s here’s what I would assume Mike, as a parent, if you are involved to the level that we’re advocating for and all parents have different amounts of time and different amounts of understanding and skill and ability I understand that.
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But way before someone from a school district would approach you and say, we think that your child’s in need of a special education evaluation. You as a parent should have noticed that some things aren’t going the way that you think that they should,
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you know, you should notice. Oh, I think that, you know, my son or daughter is struggling in some way the school should have communicated that in many different ways through many different conversations and tried many different interventions to try
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and help through some of those struggles and difficulties. So that you know that process that I mentioned there at the end that’s the that’s really the end of the line. And if it’s not the end of the line, then as a parent you should have a lot of questions as to how you got to that
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point, without it being in the end of the line.
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And so for those questions I want to put it out there even as a principal of a school. And if there’s, if their school principals listening to this they might take a little bit of shock to what I’m about to say, it is okay if you are a parent, and you don’t have a lot of time, or you don’t have
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a lot of knowledge within the world of education that teachers speak if you will, it is okay to ask for help from a parent advocate. That is what they are for, and the school should readily provide that to you.
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If the school is not readily providing that to you or is not openly offering that to you, then I hate to say it but what’s going on. All right, the role of a parent advocate and they exist everywhere.
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The role of a parent advocate is to help you get the best things to serve the needs of your child. And it is to help bridge the gap between school and home school and child to get what that child needs to learn with or along his or her peers.
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So, I strongly encourage parent advocates, if you still have questions when you’re going into a meeting with a school especially when it comes to special education.
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Find out if you need a parent advocate if you still have questions after you’ve spoken to a principal and a teacher.
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What you said right there Mike is really powerful as a building leader.
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You are advocating for advocates, and you are doing that because you are really confident that the things that your school is doing are correct and what are best for kids.
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If the advocate can help in that process, then you’re open to that. A lot of schools would look at that from the opposite perspective like we’ve talked about and that’s that’s an opportunity for them to be caught doing something that they shouldn’t do or
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something like that and not that I don’t think schools do most of those things intentionally, but things do happen that parents or advocates, or whoever else need to say hey is this was this missed here, or was this quite the right thing
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to do, and that’s just part of the process but parents always have that right, and sometimes responsibility to reach out to an advocate and help them guide through the process.
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You know, I as a parent know going into a meeting, I’m pretty, pretty confident in my level of knowledge of what’s going on in schools and what should happen.
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And, you know, if something were really going wrong, I would hate for someone to be on the wrong end of that conversation because I’m really knowledgeable, but parents always have that right to bring someone with them to a meeting, who’s really knowledgeable
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and can help them through the process.
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Right. I mean if you don’t think, as a parent if you don’t think that the school is advocating for you, then get yourself an advocate that will do it in place of the school. And that that sounds kind of negative toward the school but if that’s what’s going on then that’s the need
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that you have, and you have the right to have that need filled.
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And like you said you can find educational advocates with a quick Google search in your area there all over the place they’re everywhere. Many of them are trained specifically to be advocates, and that can be a powerful tool at a parent’s disposal.
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And I can tell you one more thing and I hate to keep adding to this but if you ask a school principal, or even if you don’t get an answer from a school principal would that would be concerning, you could ask the school principal for an advocate, could you please
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provide me the name of an educational advocate. If they do not.
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I would be concerned just in that, just in the fact that they are able to provide you an advocate, because they either don’t know of the advocates in their area or they don’t want to provide you one, which would be even more alarming for me.
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If you don’t get an answer now you have, you know you have a need for one. And you could get on your county webpage, and I guarantee you if you get on the county webpage, you will find resources for that and, and again, if you don’t get the answer from
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a school principal that would definitely be a call to the superintendent’s office, in my opinion if I were a parent, I asked the school to provide me with the name of school or a parent advocate. I would call the superintendent if I didn’t get an answer with that.
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And at the same time, hopefully as a building principal and other building leaders listening to this.
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You’re very hopeful that you’re serving as an advocate for that child also you’re in that really close relationship with the family, where you’re informing them what’s best for their child at all times, but as a parent, if you’re in a system that you feel as though
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that’s not present. Then it’s time, maybe to reach out to an advocate for help, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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There’s nothing wrong.
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So let’s move into one of the last parts of this podcast and it’s something that spoke to me when you mentioned it but how can parents support at home.
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I think this goes backward on the idea of special education but let’s let’s say that there’s parents out there that are worried that they’re not doing enough, or that they are their children aren’t working at the same level as their peers or you don’t know because
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they won’t share with you what your kids peers are doing or the, the levels that their peers are they, you have questions you’re worried. What can parents do now to help soothe themselves or get information to alleviate that worry.
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Well I think the first thing that I would suggest Mike is to not view your child’s educational experience as a competition, and I know that’s going to be very very difficult for some parents to hear, sometimes that’s difficult in my own home.
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The second grade classroom is not a competition. The second grade classroom is about getting each one of those students to where they need to be at the end of the year to be successful in 10 or 11 years after they’re finished with school.
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So you can’t race to a finish line with a number one and a number 20 and different levels of success. So the first thing as a parent that I would recommend everyone understand is your child is only in competition with themselves to be the best possible
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learner they can be. And your job is to help and support that. So don’t get caught up in. Oh my gosh, you know this happens sometimes, oh my gosh, my son or daughter is in the middle level reading group, or they’re in the third or fourth level
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reading group, or whatever. That’s just a place that they’re at in school to get them the help and support that they need in that moment.
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And that’s going to be very difficult as a parent to do. Just focus on your child’s individual growth.
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The other thing that I want to say about this.
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And this is more from my own perspective, but I would recommend this to all parents and families.
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Focus on the things that the school does not do.
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That’s going to sound weird to say, I as a parent I’ve told you this Mike, I’m not so worried about my son and daughters, learning to read at school or being three grade levels ahead in reading or mathematics that will the school will take care of that that’s
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is therefore to help people learn to read and do math and those things. The things I think that are my responsibility, because I know that education in general struggles with these are creativity, problem solving, critical thinking, and a love and passion for
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learning. Those are think are my job as a parent at home and I would say if any parent wants to do things for their children at home. Focus on those things. How can you take the skills and abilities that are happening at school and create an environment at home that
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allows your kids to be creative problem solvers critical thinkers and love learning. That’s my job that’s that’s the parents role at home. The school helps out with that, but I’m not just going to double and triple down on
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phonics and reading instruction at home that’s going on at school for a long time during the day, I can help out with that and I’m going to do the homework that comes home or what the teachers asking to do. But I want my children to be so much more than that with
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those 21st century skills that I know that they, they need. And a lot of that comes through extracurricular activities, but we talked about this also with comes through conversations with your children, and just doing like hands on creative awesome projects at home.
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Yes, and that is, that would be my number one bit of advice to parents. And I don’t, I do not want to overshadow what you said about developing a love of learning and creativity and passion.
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Those are, those are paramount things that parents should do.
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I’m saying in order to get that done if you are a parent listening to this, you probably are and if you aren’t please start speak with your children, as much as humanly possible. I didn’t say talk to them, I said speak with them have conversations
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with your children, as much as humanly possible to the point of exhaustion. Your children need to grow socially and in order to do that they need to communicate.
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And while you’re doing that, it’s okay to teach your children within a conversation, it is okay to correct them as they speak.
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It is okay to guide them in their creativity. It is okay to, if you if you have a child I’m speaking at the elementary level but if you have a child who’s using baby talk and you’re thinking well geez you’re four maybe you’re a little
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older baby, then you are allowed to correct that. I just, I hate to think that if we have an ornery child or if we have a tantrum going on or if we, if we have a kid not getting their way because of a, of a serial choice or something like that that we
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should be able to talk through that instead of giving an iPad I don’t I’m not saying that every every parent is appeasing their kid with an iPad or electronic but please avoid that. I mean if there are electronics in your home, let that be a prescribed time,
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but speak with your children as much as possible. I mean I cannot say that enough.
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I’ll die on that hill.
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And let’s, let’s follow up with that Mike because parents.
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They can hear this and it’s very important to hear this, and if you want to tell your children that Mike and miles said this and not blame yourself that’s okay to screen time is a huge factor in what’s happening at home and what’s happening in the lives of our children
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we must acknowledge that I can pull 10 research studies right now that will show the detrimental effects of too much screen time and social media on the developing brains of our young people.
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We see that as educators all the time. So, as parents, be very very aware of the amount of screening time that your children are experiencing and what they’re doing on those screens. I know as a parent myself that’s hard.
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I made it through six years of my son’s life without ever allowing him to touch a screen. And then once we introduce that into our home. Now my four year old daughter is carrying around the screen.
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Because everyone in the house then had to have it’s very very difficult, but we must be social and social to the point where we’re looking at each other and talking, you know just very basic guidelines for the home I would recommend no devices at the dinner table,
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and I’m not also trying to tell people how to live their lives but you can find a whole lot of research that families that are able to sit down and have a meal together at dinner are much more cohesive, and those children end up being much more successful
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because those conversations happen Mike, people are able to talk about their day, and the children are able to articulate what’s going on at home, but it, you know, in my house and I would recommend everyone do this and I just didn’t pull this out of thin air.
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We are never allowed to use any devices or any screens at our dinner table. That’s a safe zone from all devices because I want to have very important conversations, and we go around our table and everyone says one great thing that they did that day.
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They have to get up down, that’s something that even my you know my four year old daughter has to do and sometimes she leads it but we have those conversations at home. So when you were saying that I was just thinking a few of those things.
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And then from the middle school level which is where I am Mike. One thing that I see related to this also is sleep, and the way that our kids or adolescents are going to sleep, and there’s research now that says that there’s just not enough sleep for young people
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and one of the reasons why is they’re taking their cell phones or screens to bed with them. And yes their bedtime is nine o’clock yes they’re in bed at nine but they’re looking at this screen until 10 or 11 or 12, and then they wake up and it’s 3am and they look at it again.
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And that light from that screen changes your brain to thinking it’s daytime. And there are just a lot of kids walking around that aren’t getting enough sleep so just one more parent tip for anyone listening that wants to take something away from this.
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So if you have your children if they do have a cell phone, plug it in at the living in the living room at night put it make a little charging station in your living room or some common area of your house, where everyone plugs in their phone, and they don’t get it till the
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next morning to alleviate some of those issues also.
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Good point. Thank you.
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I think that, you know, if we were to, as educators ourselves I don’t think that there’s a number one pressing matter above what you just said, you know, those types of things affect speech, they affect.
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I think you said the amount of sleep and and and outlook on the school day it affects appetite. There’s so much that goes into what you just said and I would say that if you’re a parent and you’re, you’re sending a child to school.
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That’s, that’s got to be top of your list right now before you start to ask questions of schools to set your family up for success. Get in control of those electronics right away. Take the helm and say this is how it is.
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And then speak, speak, speak with your children as much as possible.
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So, I mean I think I think that wraps it up miles.
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I think that, you know, we are talking right to to parents but also looking, looking to make things as good as possible, which is what we’re always trying to do.
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Parents is one, you know, talking to parents is one way that one huge factor in the development of a child’s life sometimes it’s it’s an overlooked thing, but as parents. There are there are things you can do to make your children’s educational experience
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as good as it can possibly be. And it’s your it’s your right also your responsibility and active role in that and just do as much as you can in the right way for your kids.
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I can’t even follow that up. That’s perfectly said. Thank you.
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All right, so we’ll wrap this edition up and parents if you’re looking for other resources, we’re going to, we’re going to try to put some resources on our blogs website, which is school is out.org.
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We reference some things and some of the stuff that I talked about today was from a book from Ken Robinson on parenting as well so we’ll put a couple links with this episode on our website.
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Awesome.
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See you next time. Okay, thanks Mike.
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I think smells.
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This has been schools out podcast. Continue the conversation and explore past and future episodes at school is out.org.
School is Out! 